The VOICE version put it like how I have Jacob and Laban’s separation worded in this post’s title. Honestly, I’m not sure what to say here, but before I go into detail on how I’ve paralleled more of my life in Christ so far akin to Jacob’s (though he hadn’t been saved until after all his children were born; see Genesis 37 for his favoritism), I’ll say that this passage is found in pages 18-19 of my NKJV Bible, pages 23-24 of my NASB Bible (Old Testament), pages 41-42 of my VOICE copy (with its notes) and pages 40-41 of my Amplified Bible (Classic Edition) copy.
First, I’ll note that I saw I’m Not Ashamed in my room a few nights ago (the Columbine High story) and I have to say, it really rocked my world. If you know what happened that day in 1999, you’ll understand what I’m talking about. I wish that never took place, though! I’m pretty sure the shooters knew the girl was Christian, so they insulted God by saying to her, “Want to meet Him?” Then they shot her point-blank, after they had wounded her badly. Something like this should never happen. Yet I’m inspired by her bravery to confess the Name of Jesus when all hope seems lost, but at the same time, I’m surprised nothing insane has unfolded still, but I am in the process of delaying my student loan payments for the next year. Still, it’s no longer one of the deadlier shootings anymore, since so many more happened that are even worse in more recent times. What sucks most of all is that they were probably hired by the godless people who run the U.S., more and more each year. Enduring it is one big roller-coaster ride that will not leave you feeling any better than before. I can’t ever have the heart to pray against more unfolding in the future because the violence has deepened itself into the fabric of this nation so badly by now, and so I often don’t expect to make it through the current season I’m in or even the shift I’m clocked in for. I can probably keep a low profile about everything (generally speaking) while I grow in Jesus and bless the people around me… to the point where I might be able to prevent a shooting from happening anywhere someday, but the massive amount of courage I imagine it’ll take just to learn about let alone actually obtain (for unfortunately, sometimes keeping a low profile can backfire on you) feels too far away, and while I don’t want to retreat into cowardice, I don’t think I can make it through the next trial that comes my way when I stand up for Jesus publicly next time. I pray the Holy Spirit would guide me through everything (I’d rather not analyze something), for silence is worse than suffering, as Jeremiah 20:7-9 demonstrates. I don’t know what to do 😭😭😭😭😭 I don’t want anyone to die because of my witness to Jesus! Not even if he or she is one of His enemies!
I know this rant is unexpected for some of you, but I’ve been wondering for so long about differentiating between bravery and being obnoxious and also dodging malicious compliance and actually being able to invite people to learn about God that I’m just ready to say that soon, I’ll have to find that this answer probably won’t come to me in this life, and I don’t like that idea, for I want to mirror Heaven’s reality here on Earth instead, just as Jesus had said (Matthew 6:10). My pastor was right in having said last spring that Americans have 20/10 vision when it comes to fault-finding, in contrast to pretty much everywhere else. And both of us were born here in the U.S.! I wish I could change that for another person (for I’ve had three people saved so far) 😭😭😭
I think I’m saying all of this because Jacob was at least allowed to leave his in-laws’ land in peace, and surprisingly, I still haven’t had any attacks from any of my posts in recent months, especially the last one about the attack on Iran — I’m still praying there’s no war, but I can thank God for what He’s done so far 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘 (yes, I’m blowing Him a kiss; don’t judge me 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 it’s not a gay thing to do, people; I still love women) — and I still have a lot of things I wish I could ask my mom, such as why she would be so hostile despite the fact that my brother and I grew up in the case of her supposedly discouraging it… I’m like, “WHAT HAVE WE DONE TO DESERVE THIS?! Is anyone less than half your age so much of a mistake to you that you wish to indoctrinate them into oblivion?” I’ll probably get a fake peace reply again from my mom if she sees this… she’s really good at hiding her injustice. She’s always been a divisive jerk to everyone… I’m probably wrong about this, too, but I know she’s divisive, for my brother has also learned of this and can agree with me about the fact that she’s loved to sow discord among family members for ages. God hates it when someone does this (Proverbs 6:16-19), and she knows it; she’s just been blaming everyone for too damn long, and soon, her days of causing crimes like this will be numbered! I wish nothing would happen, though… but the judgment is up to God, but when does He intervene? He’s done it before, but often it seems like I get any help too late. Am I not meant to live in this world? For I still have my past haunting me (I speak of the debts I’ve accumulated over the years), but that wouldn’t have happened if only she had believed in Jesus as she said she did in the first place!
I guess you can say that at this point, I’m not expecting God to get me through this in one piece this time… I always get too much opposition when something like this happens, for it was first the college career thing being ravaged by my jealous mom, and now I’m being burdened with several debt payments to make each month because of an impatient and unforgiving culture? But even if God doesn’t put an end to another branch of debt soon, I’ll still praise Him, yet I might be turned off to bravery forever if I don’t go through this in one piece and still live to tell the tale. I want to preach the gospel to many people across the world, but instead, it seems like I’m called to struggle with my demons and nothing more. I can’t take any of this… I’d rather have God take me out of this world, especially in a no-death method 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 if you want to pray for any blessing despite this, that’d be great, but don’t expect me to not be scarred for life by spiritual death again, first 😰 I’ll see you either tomorrow or Tuesday, if nothing happens, for I still intend to live in peace with others and not cause damage to even myself. And God-willing, I’ll get my tax returns soon.
Ron And His Stories 